Actually, I could do with some help...

Asking for help?! I'm not very good at this. At work I've been learning how to ask people for help - I mean seriously! When I realise that actually I'm going to be stuck, the whole thing is going to be stuck if I don't ask for help I'm asking for help. Success!! Asking for help is actually a good thing. The truth is, I like to be asked for help by other people, it means I get to make a positive contribution to what's going on around me. In fact I get mad sometimes when people don't ask for help, they try to juggle everything like they are a circus act. I think 'that's just silly, them running round like a headless chicken when it's plainly obvious that I'm waiting for something to do before such and such...' Hmmm...

So what made me bring this up tonight? On my way home from work, through the driving rain that happened to be the weather God sent us today (actually it's so lovely and fresh and green as I see the effects of it in the trees outside! ) I was listening to a talk on 'Loving the Teenager: Understanding the teenagers world' by Dave Fenton from a conference called Word Alive. One point that he made that I was totally on board with was that as a church we have a tendency to be a bit pants at involving 11's to 15's in the life of the church, often with groups that end at 11 and start at 15, with kids/teenagers struggling between these ages with a lack of group identity. One thing, Dave said, we could do better would be to involve the kids in the tasks at church, something that teenagers would actually be ideal candidates for. It was a shocking revelation - I actually said 'yes! Why aren't we doing that?!'. Dave also went on about how as a family we are key to growing faith in our kids, church youth groups are just 'the icing on the cake'. 'Yeah, too right!' I thought. 'Brilliant'

Then I got home and I realised, that same stuff that just struck me on the journey was exactly the stuff I don't do in the home!! I am skilled at taking the path of least resistance. I am tuned to thinking that they won't like me anymore if I ask the kids to do a certain task. I am rubbish even at asking my husband to do a particular task. So tonight, I prepped the salad and baked the dinner and when everyone got home I asked each person to do something. It was a simple plan. I asked my husband 'Would you serve the dinner up?' and my older step-son 'Could you make everybody a drink?', and my younger one 'Could you get everybody a knife and fork please?' and I fetched the plates.

Simple? Yes! Successful? Very! And did anybody keel over and die? No. There was even space for the older to make an exotic drink mix which ended up tasting like Watermelon - yum!

Why is this a good thing? Am I just being lazy? Actually I am being lazy when I don't bother. There's lots of good research out there that suggests we are not helping our children when we do not include them in family teamwork.

The truth is, it's much easier not to rock the boat...

From: http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/importance-teamwork-families-13445.html

Praying that I ask for the grace of my family's help on a daily basis, and that we grow together as a result. Praying that you do the same!

Grace and peace

Choosing to fix my mind on Jesus

From: http://www.edutopia.org/blog/habits-of-mind-terrell-heick

It's Thursday, which is my day off. I have a day off each week to keep me sane as a five-day week means I'm driving 500 miles a week and I've been exhausted and irritable. I'm hoping to get a job closer to home, I have an interview next week! But in the meantime I'm very thankful for my day off!

I listened to this song a few times today, mainly because it was the only phatfish song on my iPod, and I'd selected phatfish songs, and I hadn't noticed it was stuck on repeat... clearly I'm paying a lot of attention to what I'm doing today...not!

Jesus Christ Holy One
The lifter of our heads
Through You I come conquering Son
To my Father in Heaven

And Iʼm confident that I belong to You
As the Spirit testifies
I shall not fear, fear has no hold
So I cry ʻAbba Fatherʼ

What mercy You have poured on me
With thankful lips Iʼll sing
I choose to fix my mind
On all the blessings You have given me
For Youʼve revealed to me Your grace
The wonder of the cross
Youʼve breathed new life to me
And in Your victory I now stand today

Nathan Fellingham
Copyright © 2002 Kingswayʼs Thankyou Music/MCPS 

I picked out that line 'I choose to fix my mind on all the blessings you have given me' because I'm aware that I need to do that today. I need to do that everyday. I heard at a recent conference of George Mueller's aim each morning, the first thing he did, was to 'have my soul happy in the Lord'. What an aim! And this song is helpful, I think, because it's full of reasons to have a very happy soul, in the Lord! Each line gives me a reason:

• Jesus is holy - he's the Christ! I can know all about him through the gospels!
• He lifts my head - This world is not all it! One day he's going to come back and be in charge and it will be beautiful.
• He's conquered death and sin, and he's our only way!
• He's enabled me to say God is my Father! He's my brother!

and there's:

• Belonging to God
• The witness of the Holy Spirit (our guarantee)
• Nothing to fear - no hold on me
• I can cry out 'Daddy!' to the God of heaven. He's not left me alone.
• I have been shown such mercy (poured out / wasted on me / overflowing in generosity / lavish) that I don't deserve. 
• I can sing! My soul is no longer burdened with fear and dread because I'm not good enough.
• God's revealed his grace to me! He's made a display of it! I can't miss it in the work on the cross!
• You not only gave me life when I was conceived and breathed my first baby cry, you've breathed NEW LIFE on me to achieve this glorious transformation.
• In your victory I stand today, and everyday: wow, how can I stand in Jesus' victory?! It's astonishing Good News!!!! I simply DON'T deserve this... How can it be?

How does this relate to the Step home, I hear you wonder?! Well, if my aim is on graciously loving those around me, as I said in my last post, what better a fuel, a motivation, than fixing my mind on the blessings (outlined above!) that God has given me.

 It stops me:

• thinking about how much living graciously costs me (woah it's cost God a lot! )
• thinking I'm rubbish (I didn't get that right, they didn't see how hard I worked etc. etc.!)
• thinking I'm brilliant (God's brilliant, he shows me mercy! )
• worrying about things (God has taken care of these massive big deals in our lives, he can take care of the small stuff too)
• Feeling miserable and unappreciated (Woah, how little do I stop to appreciate the WONDERS of God and thank him sincerely!?)

It helps me:

• Stay sane (keep everything in perspective!)
• Encourage my hubby (he's human too!)
• Encourage the kids (It's a better witness to the nippers if you are happy in God yourself!!)
• Recognise the need to spend time in His word without just going through the motions (renewing my mind and understanding the depths of his grace)

 Praying that we read and believe the good news today, and that we too aim each day to 'have my soul happy in the Lord' even in the hardest of circumstances.

Thanks for reading, Grace and Peace x

God's resurrection power and Jesus' joy in the face of the utmost hostility!

Hi there, it's been a long time since I last posted, I know. Hitting a hard patch in my personal journey through raising a step-family has made me think about a couple of ideas: resurrecting this blog so I can channel some thoughts in a logical way onto a page (and hopefully help someone, anyone (!) out there in a similar situation) and re-reading some of the literature I picked up and literally (no pun intended!) devoured as I was thinking through how to make a good start on this long and difficult, but rewarding journey they call Step-parenting.

My husband said 'where did that really helpful book go?' and I subsequently dug out Flora McEvedy's exceedingly healthy, beautifully equipping book 'The Step-parents parachute: The four cornerstones to Good Step-parenting'. For the first time we are reading this book together (trumpets should sound!) and I am rediscovering some of my good intentions and thoughtful reflections I studiously pencilled into the margins of the introduction. It's a reminder that the going will be tough, but the hard work should be constant and well worth the effort in the long-run.

The truth is, I can't do this in my own power. My joy for the journey has got to be sourced in God. This weekend gone we celebrated God's explosive power in raising Jesus to eternal life, from the grave. That explosive power is in his word and in his spirit. So here's to resurrection power!

My prayer for today is that I would trust in God for his explosive power to overcome my own failings and the difficulties and produce the fruit of a gracious and constant relationship toward my step children, even when I feel like retreating and putting up barriers to protect myself from the ingratitude, hurt and hostility. Sometimes that hostility feels too much, but it's nothing compared to what Jesus endured on the cross. And for joy?!! What power is this?! Oh, how wonderful is the Lord Jesus!

...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.   Hebrews 12 v 2-3

 Thanks for reading - Quoting someone from Peter Pan 'I shall try to be worthy of my post'

Grace and peace!